My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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