there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
