All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
