I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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