I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
