took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
