I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
