im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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