At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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