My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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