There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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