I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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