I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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