1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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