i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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