Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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