its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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