4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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