This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All the doctor said was why
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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