I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize