Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
