with your own penis?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
