what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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