im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
