You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
