And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As shirtless as possible
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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