Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
