ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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