My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
