some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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