i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
