Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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