Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
