the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
