maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
