My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
