So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
