I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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