I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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