I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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