Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
