never play flip cup with pint glasses
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
