just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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