hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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