scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
