It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize