guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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