i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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