Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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