Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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