That's intense
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
