Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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