i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My penis needs a shock collar
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
