Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
