Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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