Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
