I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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