If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
