3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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