Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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