She said her name was "party"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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