fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
