We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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