i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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