Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
