I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
