i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
