He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
