Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
