Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
