Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize