Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm like, not good at living.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
