Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize