She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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